Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Suspicion (1941)

Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. Too much has been made of the fact that Hitchcock changed the ending of this film because the studio didn’t want it’s star, Cary Grant, portrayed as a murderer. It’s true of course, but it’s strange then that RKO was comfortable with the rest of the movie, in which Grant plays a complete shit.

In “Suspicion,” Joan Fontaine (in the only Oscar winning role in a Hitchcock film) plays “Lina,” a shy spinster who falls for “Johnny,” a charming playboy (Grant) and gradually learns he is a penniless gambler, using her family fortune to fund his habit. She believes he is planning to murder her to collect a life insurance policy. Yes, Lina could be suspicious of Johnny because he keeps stealing her money, but really, shouldn’t she be suspicious simply because he is expressing interest in her -- and she is a complete wet blanket? Lina is the friend who, when you’re packing a cooler, uses up all the room with fruits and vegetables ("I just want to make sure we have some healthy choices.") Thirty minutes into this, I'd kill Lina for free, Oscar notwithstanding.

The reason RKO showed about as much savvy as Lina going on a picnic is because Cary Grant is exceptionally watchable in this because it is such a different role for him. Grant, whose long, distinguished career featured role after role playing Cary Grant, should have played more murderers. Or at least problem gamblers, or whatever. Nigel Bruce plays Beaky, the dopey but lovable best friend, who is allergic to brandy. What, does that seem too trivial to mention? You'd think, but hoo-boy, when that groundwork is laid it’s about as subtle as a Hitchcock cameo (which, by the way, happens at a mailbox).

The ending that Hitchcock wanted would have been better and made a hell of a lot more sense. Based on his famous 1967 interviews with Fran├žois Truffaut, Hitchcock seems to have gone to his grave feeling like he caved in to the studio on the whole thing. However, as a melodrama, "Suspicion" works because the acting is directed well, not because of the plot. The regret was Hitchcock’s to carry, not ours. Fuck RKO, but still...recommended, even with the shitty ending.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

This Means War (2012)

Directed by McG. An alternate title for this movie is "This Means Bore." IMDB tells me that "People who liked this also liked...'The Bounty Hunter'."  This is evidently a service they provide to warn you about the kinds of people who might recommend this movie to you. Don't worry, we're cool.

I saw this because Reese Witherspoon is in it, although another alternate title for this move is "Decreased Witherspoon," because there isn't enough of her in it. She's not even really my type, but I can't help it. There's something about her weird chin that makes her look a bit like a marionette, but the best looking marionette ever. Still, most of the time here is used up by two people named Chris Pine and Tom Hardy, whom it would seem were being positioned as movie stars when this was made.

The plot here seems to involve a lot of people trying to support Chelsea Handler as she improvises all her dialogue. Or it might be about something else, I’m not sure. It's challenging enough when an action comedy attempts to combine those two initial elements -- adding romance to that mix isn’t just ambitious -- it's foolhardy.

For suckers only.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

The Funhouse (1981)

Directed by Tobe Hooper. Once the big post-Friday the 13th horror boom really got rolling, clearly they often just started with titles and worked their way backward. One strategy is to begin with something whimsical and make it gruesome. Like a leprechaun or a candyman...or a funhouse!

The fundamental flaw with “The Funhouse” is laziness. There’s a huge difference between a funhouse and a haunted house and this movie doesn’t distinguish between the two. Features of a funhouse might include a maze of mirrors, a rolling barrel you walk through, staircases that move, a crooked room -- this sort of foolishness. Features seen in the funhouse in “The Funhouse” include: gruesome monsters hacking at people with knives, your friends hung from a noose.

But I don’t just mean these are the fates that befall the characters in the movie. You see this sort of stuff when the funhouse is supposed to just be “fun.” Kids go to this carnival, they “step right up,” and then ride around in a dumpy little cart through a roll-away trailer full of this haunted house garbage. But when four friends decide to spend the night in the funhouse, Amy (Elizabeth Berridge, "Amadeus"), Buzz (Cooper Huckabee, "Django Unchained"), Richie (Miles Chapin, "The People vs. Larry Flynt") and Liz (Largo Woodruff, "The Funhouse") get much more than they bargained for! Horror! If you follow!

The kids accidentally discover that one of the carnies has a son who is a mutant sex maniac that killed the hooker who made fun of his penis (I know, I said enough at "one of the carnies has a son," right?). So now the crazy carnie wants to grind up the teenagers in the gears that run the funhouse -- so it’s pretty much like every "Scooby Doo" you've ever seen.

Recommended, if you, like me, first saw this in 1982 at the Bedford Grove Drive-In, in Bedford, New Hampshire as the second feature with “Cat People” and are curious to see how much of it you remember. Otherwise, I’m not sure I’d bother. Instead you could go back to director Tobe Hooper’s 1974 classic, “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” which truly is a masterpiece of sick, awful horror. I mean, unless that’s not your thing. Then, for heaven’s sake, why would you do that to yourself?

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Lifeboat (1944)

Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. Well known because the whole thing takes place following a shipwreck on a lifeboat, this Hitchcock movie was actually followed by three more best described as plays on film: "Rope" (1948), "Dial 'M' for Murder" (1954), and "Rear Window" (1954). While simpler in setting, these weren't necessarily easier to make. DVD extras for these movies explain the elaborate set for "Rear Window" and the sophisticated camera work that was necessary to make "Rope" work.

Of these films, "Lifeboat" might have been the simplest in scope visually, but the screenplay by Jo Swerling ("It's a Wonderful Life") -- based on a story by John Steinbeck (who hated the movie) -- is exceptional. During World War II, a merchant marine ship and German U-boat sink each other in the Atlantic. Allied servicemen and civilians in a lifeboat pull a survivor from the drink and realize he is a German. They argue whether to throw him back and now we've got a movie.

The non-Germans on the boat provide all the various voices of reason and emotion relevant to war and ethnicity and so on. Tallulah Bankhead plays a cross between Rosalind Russell's character in "His Girl Friday" (1940) and Tallulah Bankhead. William Bendix plays Gus, a guy who eventually could form a support group with James Franco's character in "127 Hours." If you get my drift.

Surprisingly, "Lifeboat" was poorly received because the German in the story, Willi (Walter Slezak), was said to have been portrayed too positively. This criticism is just plain wrong because otherwise the film would have no third act. Once Willi's motives are less ambiguous to everybody on the boat, their conundrum is less about about trust, and far more about whether to have compassion toward another human being in the face of self-preservation. In fact, the final moment of the film is a statement that implies the moral inferiority of Germans -- or at the very least, "people like that." Recommended!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Tim's Vermeer (2013)

Directed by Teller. We tell children that they can grow up and do anything they want to do, but it's not really true. Some things are just out of reach for some people. Some people are just better than others. This Tim Jenison is better than just about everybody. In fact, Tim Jenison is better than a whole bunch of people I can think of put together (I'm including myself in that, so it's OK).

Damn, that sonofabitch can paint. This film is about revealing the trick used by Johannes Vermeer to paint photo-realistic images. But by demystifying Vermeer's process, the film doesn't devalue his work, it makes it more fascinating. It contributes to its respectability. You like it more. When you see how it was done, you certainly don't think anybody cheated.

Teller, the film's director, is the magician who achieved fame standing on stage next to Penn Jillette, revealing the secrets behind classic magic tricks. Yet Penn and Teller's act endures because they consistently demonstrate that the power of great magic has little to do with how the trick is done. Even if you know the secret, a good magic trick will blow your mind.

Below is the magic trick version of "Tim's Vermeer." Be sure to watch through to the end:

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Fear (1996)

Directed by James Foley. In addition to this film, quite a few movies have been described as a "teen 'Fatal Attraction'" (2002's "Swimfan;" 1993's "The Crush;" and of course, 1998's "Devil in the Flesh"), though I tend to think of "Fatal Attraction" as "Fear" poorly lacking in Reese Witherspoon. And to be completely fair, "Fatal Attraction" also suffers from excessive amounts of Michael Douglas.

"Fear" is about the Walker family, who, like most American families during the '90s, live in Seattle. Also common to most American families during the '90s, the Walkers are trying to bond following years of dysfunction and estrangement. Nicole Walker, now 16 years old and beautiful, is sweet and pure but feels as confined and sexually curious as anybody her age (Witherspoon was 21). When she meets David (Mark Wahlberg), who is devilishly charming, she's putty in his hands.

This is why, Nicole's dad, Steve Walker (William Peterson ) is arguably the main character in "Fear." Wahlberg's nutty character is far more interested in Nicole's sexuality as a way to unravel her father's paternal masculinity. Director Foley ("Glengarry Glen Ross") makes sure Wahlberg's rage is driven by his character's own daddy issues, not Nicole's daddy -- and certainly not their budding romance, creating all kinds of mad, stalker weirdness.


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

All Cheerleaders Die (2013)

Directed by Lucky McKee. The first 15 minutes of this film promise what seems like a darkly funny post-"Heathers" satire of high school politics. But before long, it quickly reveals itself to be just another stupid zombie movie.

This brutality was directed by Lucky McKee, whose IMDB bio reads, "raised in the small riverbank town of Jenny Lind in Calaveras County, California, Edward Lucky McKee grew up mostly in poverty with little access to modern forms of entertainment." It would have been kind to at least bring Edward to a movie before letting him make one.

During the final half-hour of this film it is very, very important to all of the characters that they achieve something, or obtain something, or get rid of it -- I think -- in order to make everything normal again. This ordeal involves a lot of flashing lights, heads exploding, blood everywhere -- and people trying to move rocks to different places. They're very passionate about the rocks. It made me wish I could find some enthusiasm for it all too.

Run away!

Monday, August 18, 2014

Diary of a Bachelor (1964)

Directed by Sandy Howard. In this crisply restored drive-in movie, Skip (William Traylor) is a high-powered realtor in 1960s Manhattan with a baffling reputation as a dapper playboy, considering he looks a lot more like an entomologist.

Despite Skip's natural entomological good looks he is about to exchange his ne'er do well lifestyle and settle down with super hottie Joanne Burns (Dagne Crane). But not so fast! It seems Skip keeps a diary, and when Joanne discovers this (by going through his things) she goes batshit crazy -- and not because only teenage girls keep diaries, which makes Skip seem like a colossal tool. Turns out it's because of what Skip actually writes in his diary. He documents all of his sexual pursuits.

"Pursuits" is more the word than "conquests" because Skip couldn't get laid in a brothel. Well, that's not completely fair. Skip deserves that much benefit of doubt because at one point here he does make it with a hooker, even though she's the kind of hooker who...surprise...asks for the cash after the booty bump, which seems sort of unusual.

"Diary of a Bachelor" brilliantly demonstrates American International's shrewd (cheap) production. Tightly budgeted, yet taking place in upscale Manhattan cocktail lounges and Greenwich Village hipster joints, for the most part this still works. One exception are the comically narrow twin doors to Skip's penthouse apartment, which are obviously re-purposed closet doors. These doors are used so frequently as characters enter and exit scenes that eventually, watching the actors turn their bodies sideways to fit through begs for a drinking game. If you do this, please let me know.

Dom Deluise appears in his first film role. Recommended, though not because of that.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Kissin' Cousins (1964)

Directed by Gene Nelson. This Elvis Presley vehicle is without question the first movie I've seen in which the main character has a perfect double, a doppleganger (naturally also played by the film's star), yet this is in no way integral to the plot of the film. If you're aware of another, please let me know.

Josh Morgan, an Army officer (Presley) returns to the Smoky Mountains to convince his kin to allow the military to build an ICBM missile site on their homestead. When Morgan arrives, he realizes that it is impossible to resist that Yvonne Craig, who has an insane body even though her character may or may not be related to him. Yet definitely related is Cousin Jodie, whom we are able to distinguish from Josh because Jodie has blonde highlights and wears denim. Jodie is mountain's champion wrassler, and other hilarious things. Otherwise, he's irrelevant.

You're probably familiar with other films that involve characters with perfect doubles, such as "Vertigo" (1958), "Adaptation" (2002), "Black Swan" (2010) and several versions of "The Prisoner of Zenda." We could debate whether "The Parent Trap" counts because those characters were twins (I'd say no). Only in 2014, there have been four: "Enemy" (with Jake Gyllenhaal), "The Double" (with Jesse Eisenberg), "The Face of Love" (with Annette Bening) and the best of all of them, “Muppets Most Wanted” (with Kermit the Frog).

"Kissin' Cousins" is nothing like any of these because Jodie has nothing to do. It's also not like any contemporary film, which would involve an empathy-based story in which Elvis bonds with his family and decides to convince the military to relocate the missile site, possibly by way of a hilarious scheme that requires his perfect lookalike, Jodie. But no! Instead, this pure propaganda ends with everyone happy because Elvis' uncle was drunk enough on moonshine to sign on the dotted line and hand his land over to the U.S. of A. Really! Big dance number!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Foolin' Around (1980)

Directed by Richard T. Heffron. I could have sworn I saw this movie as a kid at a drive-in as the second feature with "The Buddy Holly Story" but the Buddy Holly biopic was released two years earlier so it doesn't seem possible. Strange. I must have seen it as the second feature with something else, but also saw "The Buddy Holly Story" two years earlier at the drive-in.

Gary Busey is one of those guys I think people expected quite a bit and this movie captures that it was not to be.

Though we should have known. Despite Oscars and accolade, "The Buddy Holly Story" was not a quality movie. Hollywood's interest in biopics was refreshed and that particular movie benefited from good timing and public interest. But "The Buddy Holly Story" has all of the hallmarks of the worst biopics: composite characters, fictional incidents and constant inaccuracies.

Busey, years away from trauma-induced cranial dementia is charismatic, though it's possible that big roles didn't follow from his 1978 Buddy Holly turn because the arrogant bully the public knows today had already emerged behind Hollywood's closed doors.

And so, two years after "The Buddy Holly Story" we have "Foolin' Around," in which Wes (Busey) arrives from Oklahoma to attend a university in Minnesota, falls in love with psychology student student Susan (Annette O'Toole), a wealthy debutante engaged to snobbish social climber Whitley (John Calvin). Fortunately Susan's grandfather (Eddie Albert) respects Wes's grit and hates Whitley because he's that unrealistically creepy slimeball that we have no reason to believe that Susan should see anything in. But that's the way it always is in this movie, which you've seen the likes of 1,000 times.

But usually this kind of movie is full of talentless nobodies, so this one is a little different. Look for what's gotta be one of William H. Macy's earliest roles, playing a crooked bookseller. In addition to the unnecessary and dumb references to "Rocky" and "The Graduate" there is trite uselessness.

Recommended for late night.

Lassie's Great Adventure (1963)

Directed by William Beaudine. Admittedly, it's been said many times, but only because it's so true: Timmy is a godforsaken idiot. He was blessed with Lassie because he otherwise would have died 90 deaths before his 12th birthday if it weren't for the baffling devotion of that beloved mongrel.

In "Lassie's Great Adventure," a 1963 theatrical release that devilishly strings together five episodes of the 1954 season of the "Lassie" TV series, Timmy accidentally falls into a hot air balloon and is carried away into the Canadian wilderness. I know, right? If you were Timmy's parents, wouldn't you just assume that saving for college is just money down a rat hole?

Lassie joins Timmy for the ride, seemingly by choice, which calls into question her whole reputation. Eventually the balloon lands among the highest treetops of the Canadian Rockies -- a great place to spot the lost boy and dog. Instead, Timmy decides to wander all over the place, showing off expert Boy Scout skills such as knot tying, fishing, and creating the second act of the movie -- really anything other than knowing he should probably just stay put.

An IMDB review comments, "There is no bad language or anything like that. We also enjoyed the action and wonderful nature scenes." I also enjoyed the action, particularly the scene in which Timmy beats a wild boar to death with a log, slaughters the corpse with his Boy Scout knife and roasts it over an open fire. This really happens and if you don't believe me, now you have to see this "movie."

However, there are really no nature scenes to speak of. Because this is just strung together TV episodes, a miserable amount of its supposed "outdoor" scenes are filmed on a studio soundstage. A few actual outdoor locations were used for scenes that use horses, helicopters and Richard Kiel (who would later play the assassin "Jaws" in James Bond movies). Kiel wears dark makeup in his role as Chinook Pete, a mentally unstable Native American. In a long standing Hollywood tradition, Chinook Pete is treated insensitively and disgracefully, so there's that to be said for this family film.

Recommended for fans of dumb kids.